You are here
Home > Humor

New PDF release: 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online

By Mark Miller

Now a number of years post-divorce, courting specialist and stand-up comedian Mark Miller has skilled greater than first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller positive aspects the highlights and lowlights of these dates.
Among the real courting stories and revelations you can find during this e-book are:

• How Miller and his date realized the restrictions of a guy being too emotionally expressive. (“Most men contemplate revealing extra approximately themselves emotionally and speaking on a deeper point approximately as stress-free as falling face-first onto an ice pick—or spending the remainder of eternity hearing Celine Dion music.")

• Miller's cognizance that typically males need to pay a heavy expense for his or her dates' earlier dating behavior.("At least six diversified instances, God has matched me up with a girl who has had an extended heritage of untamed, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred intercourse. She continually reveals whatever missing in that way of life and makes a decision to make a metamorphosis. beginning with the very subsequent guy she dates. who's always me.")

• Miller's inaccurate social scan to split relationship from prestige through spending lower than $20 at the date, buying every thing at a 99¢ shop, and what he discovered, for that reason, approximately his date and himself. (“I discover now that at the trip of romance, thrift and creativity will take you simply up to now - for the remainder of the journey, you'll want MasterCard.")

• published for the 1st time the interior workings of a man's brain.
("Cerebellum. accountable for coordinating circulation and retaining stability. Used basically while a guy has had 8 beers and is endeavoring to make his option to the lavatory with no tripping over the puppy and pulling the fish tank over on best of them.")

• How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's vacation social gathering merely to discover his date and his ex-wife bonding like highschool girlfriends. (“Pam may take Amy apart and current to her a listing of all 273 of my failings, so much of which, she confides to Amy, won't develop into visible till month 3 of Amy's being with me. Amy is shocked; she'd purely been conscious of 149 of my failings.")
But 500 Dates is ready even more than relationship. Its humor essays additionally disguise romance, relationships, breakups, allure, the character of affection, and the way either women and men view the artwork, technological know-how, expectancies, and fact of courtship and turning courtship into anything deeper and longer lasting within the twenty-first century. all through those essays, a component of that have been formerly released in quite a few media, Miller presents a feeling of desire approximately one's romantic clients. Readers will locate that the tip of a wedding, even a long term one, doesn't suggest the tip of romance—or one's humorousness.

Show description

Read or Download 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating PDF

Best humor books

Download e-book for iPad: You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life by Celia Rivenbark

In her most recent wickedly irreverent humor assortment, Delia Rivenbark crack whereas getting her downward-facing puppy on, pines for a global during which each mother getting behave like Betty Draper, and wonders why everybody's so desirous about the technological know-how air whilst there aren't even any rides. In it you'll locate essays on subject matters such as:

And even more! For any lady who longs for the great outdated days while Jane Fonda in legwarmers used to be the single one that observed you workout, You Don't Sweat a lot for a fats Sir! is convenience meals in booklet form.

Celia Rivenbark is the writer of You Can't Drink All Day in case you Don't begin within the Morning Belle climate, cease Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank, We're similar to You, basically Prettier, and Bless Your middle, Tramp. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina.

Download e-book for iPad: Between Boyfriends by Michael Salvatore

During this sharp, wonderful, wry-but-tender debut, Michael Salvatore follows one man's look for the right boyfriend in a hilariously imperfect world.

Single, a bit neurotic Steven Bartholomew Ferrante loves his sharp-tongued unswerving neighbors, his chaotic activity as manufacturer for the daylight hours cleaning soap If Tomomorrow by no means comes, and his loopy Sicilian mom, now not unavoidably in that order. but at thirty-three, his lifestyles is a bit just like the peppermint mocha espresso beverages which are his favourite indulgence---fun, frothy, yet purely superficially enjoyable. 4 years after his boyfriend kicked him to the lower, Steve continues to be looking for a substitute. There's been no scarcity of informal couplings and one evening (or much less) stands, yet whereas different physique elements are catered to, his middle desires whatever extra. anyone to proportion horny Sunday mornings and buying journeys to shop for pointless kitchen home equipment. a person he can alternate figuring out smiles with whereas dishing along with his workforce at their favourite Chelsea haunts. an individual to love.

And might be he's eventually came upon it. simply because if Steven's discovered something from If the next day by no means Comes, it's that each storyline has it's twists---and the great thing about residing spoiler-free is that you simply by no means be aware of who's ready at the wings. .. ..

New PDF release: Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way

"This procedure generates essentially the most witty showbiz lunacy on the grounds that this can be Spinal faucet. "
---Sacramento information & Review</i> What you're examining immediately is called the "flap replica. " this is often the place the 72,444 phrases of my most modern ebook are cooked right down to healthy this area.   yet how does one do this? Do you exhibit pivotal plot issues just like the one on the finish of the e-book the place the little lady on crutches issues an accusing finger and shouts, "The killer is Mr. Potter"?
I have an excessive amount of recognize for you as an attention-deficient purchaser to aim such an seen ruse. yet let's now not play video games the following. You picked up the e-book already, so that you both:
A.   recognize who i'm
B.    loved the cool smoking jacket I'm donning at the cover
C.    Have simply found that the bookshop restroom is out of loo paper 
Is it a sequel to my autobiography If Chins may possibly Kill: Confessions of a B motion picture Actor?   unfortunately, no, which made it a lot tougher to jot down. in line with my writer, I haven't "done" adequate given that 2001 to warrant one other memoir.
Is it an "autobiographical novel"? certain. I'm the lead personality within the tale, and I'm a true individual, and every thing within the ebook really occurred, with the exception of the stuff that didn't.
The motion revolves round my arrangements for a pivotal function within the A-list dating movie Let's Make Love!   yet my Homeric try to holiday during the glass ceiling of B-grade style fare is hampered by way of a vengeful studio govt and a construction that turns into contaminated via whatever known as the "B motion picture virus," indicators of which come with over the top use of tacky lighting tricks, slapstick, and projectile vomiting.
From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal legal, this novel has all of it. And if the 72,444 phrases are too time-consuming, there are plenty and many cool graphics.
Bruce "Don't name Me Ash" Campbell  Praise for[i] Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way
"It's a good, goofy what-if. "
---Entertainment Weekly
"Ultimately, Make Love is a Bruce Campbell novel, starring Bruce Campbell, written for Bruce Campbell fanatics for whom Bruce Campbell can do no unsuitable. They'll without doubt locate Campbell's newest recreation not anything brief of---to quote considered one of his most famed characters---groovy. "
---The Onion
"One of the main delightfully deranged studies you'll have analyzing this 12 months.   Hail to the king, child. "[/i]
---<i>Rue Morgue  

Read e-book online Like My Teacher Always Said...: Weighty Words, Crazy Wisdom, PDF

Erin McHugh’s final books, Like My mom constantly acknowledged . . . and prefer My Father constantly stated . . . , pulled jointly a rainbow of savvy, funny, and ques­tionable knowledge from mom and dad. Her subsequent quantity leaves domestic and heads for the school room to have a good time what we gleaned from probably the obvious applicants for studying: our lecturers.

Extra resources for 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating

Sample text

She went up to her room. Apart from anything else, she had so little faith in the ability of the guy on the message desk at reception to deal with anything so complicated as a message that she wanted to be doubly certain that there wasn’t a note under the door. It wouldn’t be the first time that messages at the desk and messages under the door had been completely at odds with each other. There wasn’t one. The message light on the phone was flashing, though. She hit the message button and got the hotel operator.

Oh yes, I noticed,” said Tricia. “All right. Here it is. It’s very simple. Many years ago I met a guy at a party. He said he was from another planet and did I want to go along with him. I said, yes, okay. It was that kind of party. I said to him to wait while I went to get my bag and then I’d be happy to go off to another planet with him. He said I wouldn’t need my bag. I said he obviously came from a very backward planet or he’d know that a woman always needed to take her bag with her. He got a bit impatient, but I wasn’t going to be a complete pushover just because he said he was from another planet.

Chapter 6 Ford Prefect hit the ground running.

Download PDF sample

Rated 4.99 of 5 – based on 31 votes