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776 Stupidest Things Ever Said by Ross Petras, Kathryn Petras PDF

By Ross Petras, Kathryn Petras

A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips,  spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous  and notorious figures earlier and current -- a  complete direction in anti-eloquence by means of the foot-in-mouth  champions of all time.

Note: a prior variation of this publication used to be released in 1993 by means of Doubleday. it truly is right here reprinted via association with Doubleday.

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Even though I completely dismembered his father and left his body parts in a lake of blood in the middle of the ring, Cliff Jr. looked up to me like I was his new Dad. He asked me if he could have some money to buy an ice cream cone. I gave him a few bucks, which freed me up, to focus on Cliff’s newly widowed wife Doreen, who had been eyeballing me throughout the whole match. So we went to the locker room and took a shower together for 5 hours. Cliff Jr. was away and busy eating lots of ice cream, so there’s no drawing to capture that memorable bathing experience.

But one time, I scared my opponent so much, he voluntarily de-scrotumized himself. SCOOP OUT THE DOUGH TO MAKE IT LOW IN CARBOHYDRATES. SAVE THE SCOOPED-OUT DOUGH AND ROLL IT INTO LITTLE BALLS FOR SNACKS LATER. THEY NEVER GO STALE. PLACE THE BOTTOM HALF OF THE BAGEL ON A PAPER PLATE AND STACK 3 BLOCKS OF CREAM CHEESE ON TOP. I USE WHOLE BLOCKS OF CHEESE BECAUSE IT’S EASIER AND LESS MESSY THAN HAVING TO SPREAD THE CHEESE ON WITH A KNIFE. PUT A WHOLE WHITEFISH ON TOP OF THE CREAM CHEESE. DO NOT DEBONE THE FISH.

And you’ll be able to trust your instincts, make your own decisions, and do whatever you want. This book will change the way you live, breathe, think, and punch. If you have a closed mind, this book will open it. If you have an open mind, this book will open it even further. And it will teach you how to open your opponent’s mind with your fists and feet. This book is for all skill levels, from beginner to blackbelt. And by the way, I consider a blackbelt to be a weak, novice level. Even if you’re a blackbelt, this book will take you into the unknown.

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