By Ross Petras, Kathryn Petras
A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and notorious figures earlier and current -- a complete direction in anti-eloquence by means of the foot-in-mouth champions of all time.
Note: a prior variation of this publication used to be released in 1993 by means of Doubleday. it truly is right here reprinted via association with Doubleday.
Read or Download 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said PDF
Similar humor books
In her most up-to-date wickedly irreverent humor assortment, Delia Rivenbark crack whereas getting her downward-facing puppy on, pines for a global within which each mother getting behave like Betty Draper, and wonders why everybody's so interested by the technology air whilst there aren't even any rides. In it you'll locate essays on subject matters such as:
And even more! For any lady who longs for the nice outdated days while Jane Fonda in legwarmers used to be the one person who observed you workout, You Don't Sweat a lot for a fats Sir! is convenience foodstuff in ebook form.
Celia Rivenbark is the writer of You Can't Drink All Day in the event you Don't begin within the Morning Belle climate, cease Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank, We're similar to You, in basic terms Prettier, and Bless Your middle, Tramp. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina.
During this sharp, wonderful, wry-but-tender debut, Michael Salvatore follows one man's look for the appropriate boyfriend in a hilariously imperfect world.
Single, a little bit neurotic Steven Bartholomew Ferrante loves his sharp-tongued dependable neighbors, his chaotic task as manufacturer for the sunlight hours cleaning soap If Tomomorrow by no means comes, and his loopy Sicilian mom, no longer unavoidably in that order. but at thirty-three, his lifestyles is a bit just like the peppermint mocha espresso beverages which are his favourite indulgence---fun, frothy, yet in simple terms superficially pleasant. 4 years after his boyfriend kicked him to the cut back, Steve remains to be searching for a alternative. There's been no scarcity of informal couplings and one evening (or much less) stands, yet whereas different physique elements are catered to, his middle wishes anything extra. a person to proportion horny Sunday mornings and procuring journeys to shop for pointless kitchen home equipment. an individual he can alternate realizing smiles with whereas dishing together with his group at their favourite Chelsea haunts. anyone to love.
And possibly he's ultimately stumbled on it. simply because if Steven's discovered something from If the next day by no means Comes, it's that each storyline has it's twists---and the wonderful thing about residing spoiler-free is that you just by no means understand who's ready at the wings. .. ..
"This strategy generates one of the most witty showbiz lunacy considering that this is often Spinal faucet. "
---Sacramento information & Review</i> What you're studying immediately is called the "flap reproduction. " this can be the place the 72,444 phrases of my most recent e-book are cooked right down to healthy this house. yet how does one do this? Do you display pivotal plot issues just like the one on the finish of the booklet the place the little woman on crutches issues an accusing finger and shouts, "The killer is Mr. Potter"?
I have an excessive amount of recognize for you as an attention-deficient purchaser to try such an noticeable ruse. yet let's now not play video games right here. You picked up the e-book already, so that you both:
A. recognize who i'm
B. loved the cool smoking jacket I'm donning at the cover
C. Have simply chanced on that the bookstall restroom is out of loo paper
Is it a sequel to my autobiography If Chins may well Kill: Confessions of a B motion picture Actor? unfortunately, no, which made it a lot tougher to jot down. in keeping with my writer, I haven't "done" adequate considering that 2001 to warrant one other memoir.
Is it an "autobiographical novel"? certain. I'm the lead personality within the tale, and I'm a true individual, and every little thing within the booklet truly occurred, apart from the stuff that didn't.
The motion revolves round my arrangements for a pivotal position within the A-list courting movie Let's Make Love! yet my Homeric try and holiday in the course of the glass ceiling of B-grade style fare is hampered through a vengeful studio govt and a construction that turns into contaminated via whatever known as the "B motion picture virus," signs of which come with over the top use of tacky lighting tricks, slapstick, and projectile vomiting.
From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal criminal, this novel has all of it. And if the 72,444 phrases are too time-consuming, there are plenty and many cool graphics.
Bruce "Don't name Me Ash" Campbell Praise for[i] Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way
"It's a superb, goofy what-if. "
"Ultimately, Make Love is a Bruce Campbell novel, starring Bruce Campbell, written for Bruce Campbell enthusiasts for whom Bruce Campbell can do no fallacious. They'll without doubt locate Campbell's most modern undertaking not anything brief of---to quote certainly one of his most famed characters---groovy. "
"One of the main delightfully deranged studies you'll have studying this 12 months. Hail to the king, child. "[/i]
Erin McHugh’s final books, Like My mom constantly stated . . . and prefer My Father consistently acknowledged . . . , pulled jointly a rainbow of savvy, funny, and questionable knowledge from mom and dad. Her subsequent quantity leaves domestic and heads for the school room to have fun what we gleaned from possibly the obvious applicants for studying: our lecturers.
- I'm Not Gonna Lie: And Other Lies You Tell When You Turn 50
- Teaching: It's Harder Than It Looks
- If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What am I Doing in the Pits?
- Baggage to London (Annikins)
Additional info for 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said
Even though I completely dismembered his father and left his body parts in a lake of blood in the middle of the ring, Cliff Jr. looked up to me like I was his new Dad. He asked me if he could have some money to buy an ice cream cone. I gave him a few bucks, which freed me up, to focus on Cliff’s newly widowed wife Doreen, who had been eyeballing me throughout the whole match. So we went to the locker room and took a shower together for 5 hours. Cliff Jr. was away and busy eating lots of ice cream, so there’s no drawing to capture that memorable bathing experience.
But one time, I scared my opponent so much, he voluntarily de-scrotumized himself. SCOOP OUT THE DOUGH TO MAKE IT LOW IN CARBOHYDRATES. SAVE THE SCOOPED-OUT DOUGH AND ROLL IT INTO LITTLE BALLS FOR SNACKS LATER. THEY NEVER GO STALE. PLACE THE BOTTOM HALF OF THE BAGEL ON A PAPER PLATE AND STACK 3 BLOCKS OF CREAM CHEESE ON TOP. I USE WHOLE BLOCKS OF CHEESE BECAUSE IT’S EASIER AND LESS MESSY THAN HAVING TO SPREAD THE CHEESE ON WITH A KNIFE. PUT A WHOLE WHITEFISH ON TOP OF THE CREAM CHEESE. DO NOT DEBONE THE FISH.
And you’ll be able to trust your instincts, make your own decisions, and do whatever you want. This book will change the way you live, breathe, think, and punch. If you have a closed mind, this book will open it. If you have an open mind, this book will open it even further. And it will teach you how to open your opponent’s mind with your fists and feet. This book is for all skill levels, from beginner to blackbelt. And by the way, I consider a blackbelt to be a weak, novice level. Even if you’re a blackbelt, this book will take you into the unknown.