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Patrick Regan's An Old-Fashioned Christmas PDF

By Patrick Regan

Not anything captures the magic of Christmas just like the drooling face of a kid and a cheap-ass little faux tree. —An out of date Christmas

within the culture of vacations on Ice and undesirable Santa, Patrick Regan counters saccharine seasonal sentiment with a dose of holiday-noir.

consider Christmases of previous? easier instances, while four-year-old orphans have been used for industry examine and Santa may perhaps name elf candy Cheeks and never get slapped with a sexual harassment suit?

In an old school Christmas, writer Patrick Regan collects photographs from the golden days of Christmas and pairs them with wryly sardonic captions to supply a reminder of what Christmas is actually all about-namely, hobos, orphans, boozed-up Santas, pill-popping housewives, and the shattered desires of cute children.

enthusiasts of Regan's The publication of undesirable conduct will take twisted savor his skewering of the main adored (and overstuffed) vacation of all. The Forties, '50s, and '60s-vintage pictures are extraordinary sufficient all alone, but if Regan's caustic captions commence flying, no culture is secure from mockery.

Christmas simply ain't what it was, and judging from the subversive gem stones during this extra naughty-than-nice ebook, we must always all be super thankful for that.

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Extra resources for An Old-Fashioned Christmas

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Even though I completely dismembered his father and left his body parts in a lake of blood in the middle of the ring, Cliff Jr. looked up to me like I was his new Dad. He asked me if he could have some money to buy an ice cream cone. I gave him a few bucks, which freed me up, to focus on Cliff’s newly widowed wife Doreen, who had been eyeballing me throughout the whole match. So we went to the locker room and took a shower together for 5 hours. Cliff Jr. was away and busy eating lots of ice cream, so there’s no drawing to capture that memorable bathing experience.

But one time, I scared my opponent so much, he voluntarily de-scrotumized himself. SCOOP OUT THE DOUGH TO MAKE IT LOW IN CARBOHYDRATES. SAVE THE SCOOPED-OUT DOUGH AND ROLL IT INTO LITTLE BALLS FOR SNACKS LATER. THEY NEVER GO STALE. PLACE THE BOTTOM HALF OF THE BAGEL ON A PAPER PLATE AND STACK 3 BLOCKS OF CREAM CHEESE ON TOP. I USE WHOLE BLOCKS OF CHEESE BECAUSE IT’S EASIER AND LESS MESSY THAN HAVING TO SPREAD THE CHEESE ON WITH A KNIFE. PUT A WHOLE WHITEFISH ON TOP OF THE CREAM CHEESE. DO NOT DEBONE THE FISH.

And you’ll be able to trust your instincts, make your own decisions, and do whatever you want. This book will change the way you live, breathe, think, and punch. If you have a closed mind, this book will open it. If you have an open mind, this book will open it even further. And it will teach you how to open your opponent’s mind with your fists and feet. This book is for all skill levels, from beginner to blackbelt. And by the way, I consider a blackbelt to be a weak, novice level. Even if you’re a blackbelt, this book will take you into the unknown.

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